


Dear Cas,

by Casturbating



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dead Sam, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Suicide, Suicide Notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-28
Updated: 2015-02-28
Packaged: 2018-03-15 13:59:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3449723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Casturbating/pseuds/Casturbating
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a very sad little thing that I wrote while thinking of Cain's prophecy.<br/>Basically, this is Dean's suicide note to  Cas after he kills Sam.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Cas,

I've never been good with words. I'm not like Sam.  I'm not smart. I'm not /good/.

Something happened, Cas, and I don't know how to fix it. 

I don't know how there could ever be a way to make this right.

The mark, it burns. It throbs and begs to be fed with human blood. I have tried so hard to resist, to be the guy that you and Sam want me to be. All I wanted was to make you two proud to know me, to call me your friend and brother.

I'm sorry I've let you down. You should be used to it by now, though, right? That's all I ever do.

I let people down.

 

I couldn't save my mom.

I couldn't save my dad.

I couldn't save Jo.

Ellen.

Rufus.

Bobby.

Kevin.

People around me, they drop like flies, and I can't save them.

I can't...

 

So, maybe it's no surprise to you that I am writing this  note to thank you for always being there for me. Even when I was in the pit, you saw something worth saving in me, and that is never something I will ever be able to claim to deserve.

 

You once couldn't fathom the thought that I felt like I didn't deserve saving.

I killed him, Cas. Just like Cain said I would.

My knife went right into his chest, and I didn't feel an ounce of regret until i heard him draw his last breath. My entire life, I was told to protect him, to look after him. And I did.

Until I didn't.

I couldn't stop myself.

 

So, I have to stop myself now. Before anyone else gets hurt because of me.

I can't live with myself, and I can't expect anyone else to do that, either.

 

I'm sorry, Cas.

I wanted to be the person you thought I was. I'm so fucking sorry that I couldn't.

 

~~I love you,~~

Don't ever change, 

 

Dean


End file.
